As a child I was happy
My voice rang clear and true
I sprang about laughing and smiling
Thinking life was suppose to be fun
But that was until I meet my hell
The name is simple; it comes out easily, unashamed - - school
Even now the word makes me ill
It makes my stomach hurt
I wish to run home and scream till nothing will come
I died there and a new dragon was hatched
The humans took my voice and broke my legs
My smile, they smudged
I had to shild myself
But couldn't find the strength
I was the wolf/mutt that no one wants
Dirty and emotionless
Unwhanted, dare I say - hated?
Empty for years and cold
My fire was locked away
Who can open that gilded box that I can't?
Then came the flaming black Raven
Her friend the slinking black cat with the icy eyes
And the black wolf from gym class
We understand the pain that hunts us still
We listen to the stories to ease our hearts and our fears.
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4 comments:
wow i really like this poem. you changed key parts of the poem that makes you feel for it. I like how you said who had the key to the fire inside you
I noticed that you made many changes in word choice type stuff like "My smile they smudged" and "The name is simple; it comes out easily, unashamed - - school" I also noticed some changes to your punctuation such as the sentence above.
This is more descriptive. 'flaming black raven, slinking black cat with icy eyes, black wolf from gym class.'
The begining can give yo uthe image of a child laughing and smiling. much better description.
You changed the main pars of the poem, but in a good way. you have more feeling. and your described more about what you were like before school. how you were so happy, ad then you show the drastic changes. really like it.
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