As a child I was happy
My voice could be heared
I sprang about laughing without a care
I thought life was all about joyous laughter
But that was until I meet the hell
It had a simple name, - - school
Even now the word makes me ill
I want run home and hide
It fills me with anger
I died there and a new dragon was hatched
I lost me voice and my legs were broken
The smile I wear wasn't seen for as long or at all
I felt the empty shell
The wolf/mutt that no one wants
I felt dirty and emotionless
And unwanted dare I say - hated?
Empty for years and cold
That was until I meet the Raven
And her friend the black cat
And the other unwanted wolf.
We understand the pain that hunts us all
we listen the stories of the past
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9 comments:
This really speack out. i can totally understand what that is like at least a little.
you should get tid of the slash between wolf and mutt. just use one. you used wolf later so maybe you should stick with that.
is that last line suppose to say that or 'we listen TO the stories of the past.'?
maybe put empasis on different words like with 'I felt dirty and emotionless' maybe just put it like this 'dirty and emotionless.' that puts the emhasis on dirty.
just suggestuions. it is really good over all though.
hey, i liked your poem except for the part of the dragon kinda threw me off...i think you should stick with the raven/wolf metaphor.
I really like your poem. Your feelings really stick out about how you are feeling now and I think that's awesome. I liked how you used tons of metaphors to also tell the reader how you feel. I liked your use of words as well. AWESOME!
Good use of simile/metaphor stuff. I really liked the line, "I died there and a new dragon was hatched
I lost me voice and my legs were broken."
I like your use of metaphors. It takes a talented person to write a deep poem about not liking school.
i like how you expressed your emotions and your words really tell how your feeling. It's really cool how you used the metaphors to show the reader how you really feel and it really gets my attention, good job !
Hey great job! Your descriptions were really well done, My favorite was, "I died there and a new dragon was hatched" think the dragon really brings out more emotion in the stanza.
I really loved the metaphor for the wolf/mutt in this poem. I think this could have been a really effective if you had taken this metaphor to a further extent. It could also be interesting to see the other characters animals explained further. The final line was particularly well done by saying that pain 'hunts' us all, you have personification as well as it fitting in perfectly with all of the characters in your play being described as different animals. Really good poem overall!
it has a lot of deep emotional thought. you might want to try to expand it a little it might make it easier for the ending.
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